i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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