Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
