3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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