The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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