I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
