Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
