Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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