just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
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