Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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