it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
