woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
