I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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