i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
