margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
