I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
