I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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