i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
