she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
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we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
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A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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