Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
