I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
