so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
