Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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