Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
hell yes lets make some ravioli
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
