Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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