i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
