So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
