marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
