i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
