my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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