Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
