Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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