Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
