when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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