So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
