i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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