Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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