Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
