Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
