You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
