i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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