hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
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