I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
she peed on how many people?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
