Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
