they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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