It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
