My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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