tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
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