Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
