I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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