That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
