After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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