people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You ruined the universe
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
