I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
