You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
