Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Small penises have feelings too.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
