every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
