Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
