I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
