Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
