You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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