Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.