Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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