I hate your face
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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