Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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