That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
