Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
