don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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