Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
