well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
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