glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
