Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Your cock deserves a montage
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
