Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
