dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
