WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
