i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
