Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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