morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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