I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
