...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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